Friday, March 11, 2011


by Oyl Miller for McSweeney's

Close your eyes.

Visualize your perfect 360-degree campaign that utilizes the latest digital innovation and activates the consumers at all the relevant touch points by engaging them with meaningful content that adds real value to their lives while at the same time building human and trackable relationships between them and your technology or sneaker or candy brand.

Breathe out.

You are in a special place now.

A place filled with as many rainbows as you want, a ground covered in a think layer of moss filled with tiny gnomes giving you never-ending foot massages and the promise of soaring 3rd-quarter sales directly attributable to your marketing efforts.

Doesn't that feel good?

Let your worries dissolve as easily as refreshing a web browser and seeing your brand's interactive flash banner load and animate, catching your eye with surprising art direction and capturing your mind and heart with some witty but meaningful copy, which all culminates in the price point lock up with your brand's logo and tagline.

Now breathe in.

Think about exponentially growing click-through rates.

Imagine all those hyper-targeted consumers ending up on the campaign microsite that you spent just shy of two million dollars to develop.

Feel the air fill your lungs, and be aware of it coming up and escaping through your nostrils as the users explore the deepest crevices and functionality of that campaign microsite.

Feel the happiness like an orb of glowing light as tens of thousands of your brand's loyal fans hit the Share button to spread the exclusive content you spent the remainder of your marketing budget on across their social networks. Feel the tension release from your toes as friends of friends' friends view that exclusive content and the moss dwelling, massage gnomes work their magic.

(keep reading)

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